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Tem 20

Starry Night Pt. 02

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Chapter 6- One Month Later

Butterscotch looked across the dusky lit room, shook her head and again dropped the four large logs on the floor, they landed loudly clanking against the coal bucket, she removed her dangled cigarette from her lips as she coughed as the dust of sawdust and ash bloomed up in a cloud from the floor, she shrugged her shoulders leaving them untidily scattered she swivelled on her heels and shuffled across the room and flicked on the light switch and as the energy saving lightbulb slowly room lit up, she looked to the side and shook her head in disappointment and then chuckled, because as usual both women were still out of the count on the bed. The room stank of last night’s cigarette smoke mixed with potent smell of alcohol filled sweat, if it wasn’t -20 degrees outside, she would have opened the window to let in the fresh air. She looked across the room to the window, inhaled on her cigarette as she thought about the red black out curtains drawn across it, as if to contemplate doing just that. She exhaled her own smoke and marched across and pulled the curtains back to show the dusky light of the hint of the beginning of sunrise, and pushed hard at the wooden window frame, it opened a smidgeon. A few snowflakes whisked in the gap and a gentle cool breeze followed.

She huffed as she crossed the room and stood and stared at a log, it lifted up off the ground, hovered and with a flick of her head she threw it on to the fire, and watched the sparks fly, then picked up the empty coal bunker and dragged it along the floor, the noise was unbearable squeaking of brass against wood, but neither of the pyjama dressed woman tucked under the duvet who had again clearly rolled away from each other before going to in their alcohol fuelled deep sleep, were responsive, and both were still very much in the Port and Sherry induced coma.

The tension between Jess and Nicole had been growing for weeks. The sniping, the back bighting the general annoying each other. Nick Claus was getting weaker by the day, cranking up even more pressure on Nicole’s shoulders.

Butterscotch and the other elves had heard their alcohol and emotional run arguments that started in the evenings building that louder and louder as the nights went on, it wasn’t difficult to listen through the thin wooden walls. Jess wanted to take Nicole home, to show to her parents that she was well, alive and being looked after and being loved, and that she wasn’t on her own in her secret location, and more importantly she wasn’t a secret spy working for the Russians or something strange. It had got so bad that the elves had all placed bets on when Jess would be put in the spare cupboard room down the end of the corridor, as from the loud screaming Nicole was definitely leaning towards if you go home, you may end up staying home.

This shouting and screaming meant lots and lots of emotional tears from both women. As Nicole was spending more time in the office supposedly working on in the evenings keeping an eye on those who have been good or bad all over the world, leaving Jess all on her own both during the day and then into the evenings leaving her in either the sunbed or hot tub with wine, alone with her own bored mood demons playing in her head for hours on end. Christmas every day is not as fun as it first sounds, however much trifle and tiramisu you can get to eat.

Butterscotch flicked her cigarette butt on to the fire, picked up the brass tongs and then loudly twanged against the side of the coal bucket as if it was a bell. “Ladies wake up,” twang “Alabaster Snowball wants to talk to you Miss Claus.” She shuffled closer to the bed and banged louder again.

***

Two hours later Nicole still unwashed, doused in pine needle body spray trying to cover up the stench of her alcohol and tobacco enriched body odour, still rubbing sleep from her eyes and intermittently yawning as she was sitting slumped over her coffee mug, which was resting on her lap, cigarette burning between her fingers as she watched like a tennis match as Alabaster Snowball as he paced the short distance up and down his small office in front of her.

“Come on, whatever you are nervous about, just get on with it, you are making me head dizzier and my stomach churn more than it deserves I already feel crap!” she sniped as brought the filter to her lips and pulled on it, exhaling out the side of her mouth, and then taking a gulp of her second coffee of the morning.

Alabaster nodded and paused his pacing and turned to face Nicole and rocked nervously backwards and forwards on his heels as he looked down at Nicole, her elbow in his desk, her hand cupping her chin looking incredibly bored and disinterested as hungover cranked on like monkey on a drum kit, as she brought the mug to her lips and took another gulp her coffee, he ran his hands through is wispy dark grey beard looking extremely thoughtful. “Sorry Miss Claus, we senior elves have been reading the rules again in the library.”

“Yeah, I’m putting on weight and going grey what the fuck do kaçak iddaa you need me to do now?” she snapped.

Alabaster paused, nodded, and stroked his beard again before taking a deep breath, “Young lady, I am afraid…” he paused again for another breath and twisted the tip of his beard around his index finger, before releasing it and putting his hands behind his back, “you need an heir!” he stated in a very calm and formal tone.

Nicole’s eyes widened and spat the coffee out on the floor, and then had a loud, repetitive coughing fit, both of them briefly looking at the mess on the floor as she continued wheezing and coughing in shock. “What the fuck Alabaster, I don’t want to be fucking preggers!” She gasped.

He stood in front of the shocked Nicole, his hands on the hips of his green tunic. “Before your dad dies, we need you to be with child.”

“I am twenty-six, I have plenty of time.” She tried to smile happily, then grimaced as her head throbbed.

Alabaster looked at her a little sternly almost looking over his glasses at her.

She sighed into her body “Okay, true, thirty…” she brought the filter to her lips and took a short drag as Alabaster looked over his glasses again.

“Oh, thirty-three…” she stated with the grey smoke tumbling out of her mouth.

“Miss Claus, we are running out of time fast!”

Nicole raised her head, her tired blue eyes widened as her crow’s feet deepened as she studied Alabaster’s face desperately trying to see if he was joking, as she looked at his dark grey beard and his brown eyes, behind the wire frame glasses, it soon became evident he wasn’t. She sighed loudly and then coughed, “Firstly, who do I fuck up here to get pregnant, we are lacking fucking men…just elves, and just how in the name of Father Christmas am I going to get fucking pregnant up here?” she then angrily inhaled smoke from the filter and exhaled a large cloud across the room.

Alabaster stepped to the side to avoid most of the smoke and thoughtfully stroked the tip his beard again “That is a problem for us all, we don’t know. We were hoping that you would have, you know, rather than, err, Jess by now…”

“Oh, me being a little bit lesbian threw a spanner in the works?” she grizzled.

Alabaster shook his head and raised his hands defensively “No, of course not…” and continued to shake his head apologetically.

“I am sorry Alabaster that Jess, is not fricken Joseph and my name isn’t Mary, and I am sure as fuck that Butterscotch is not the blinking donkey?” She brought the filter to her lips and pulled hard; the cigarette fizzled with the energy inflicted from her lungs. She exhaled and then looking around dropped the cigarette to the floor stubbed it out with her black boots, as Alabaster shook his head in disappointment at the black ash staining of what was his clean pine floor. “Away in the bloody manger!” she grizzled.

Alabaster clasped his hands together “However, you need to find a, let’s call him, err, a donor and soon?”

Nicole laughed with a Ho, Ho, Ho “Go on, how did Dad find mum?”

Alabaster nodded and tugged at his beard once more before adjusting his glasses on his long nose, with a deep sigh “On a early version of Santa Cam…he found her, back then things were different of course…” he mused and stroked his beard as he thought about it “…We ran a competition in her local newspaper ‘Win a trip of a lifetime to the North Pole’…she of course unsurprisingly won, even though she hadn’t entered, somehow over time we persuaded her some must have entered on her behalf.”

Nicole chuckled and nodded as she sat back on the wooden chair, and stretched her arms in the air, her elbows clicked as they reached their full height. “How long have I got, I guess not long enough to do that, what do I do with Jess?”

“No, you have as long as your dad lives. As for Jess, that’s for you to solve…I imagine you will use her to your advantage as usual?”

Nicole’s body shrunk again with the news, she nodded in agreement as she fished in her tights for her pack and pulled out another cigarette along with her lighter and hunched over as she got it alight. “I am going to need some help here?” She asked with her large exhale.

“We will of course help, Sparky is working on the dating apps for you, but firstly, with that cough, you are going to need to stop smoking, more and more elves are taking up that evil habit!” Alabaster replied tutting as she brought the instantly brown stained filter from the deep drag, back to her lips.

She shook her head “Hell, you don’t ask for the impossible from me, pregnant and stop smoking… maybe I will try to cut down…” Nicole said unapologetically with her smoke streaming from her nose.

“Good, as we can’t have you being our bad Santa now, can we?” Alabaster mused as he again stroked his beard.

***

Jess sat on the floor kneeing back on her haunches surrounded by strewn clothes and sniffed a couple of times trying to bring her tears back up her nose, before giving up, and pulled a tissue from kaçak bahis the Christmas wrapping paper covered box, then loudly like a Atlantic coast lighthouse foghorn in thick fog, blew her nose and dropped yet another soggy tear and snot filled tissue on the growing pile beside her, as she kneeled on the red glittery rug in front of the large pine chest of drawers, she wiped a tear from her eyes as she pulled out another drawer and with both hands dug in and then threw more clothes of hers into the large red suitcase. She had earlier dragged the dust laden case out from under the bed once Nicole had finally gone to see Alabaster, left her alone in some peace and quiet and more of her own thoughts, she had started the painful process of trying to get all of her clothes back into the suitcase, two years after they all came out. Of course, she had twice as many clothes now, and many of which were now a couple more more sizes larger too, but she was determined to get it all back in the case, she wasn’t leaving anything behind, she wanted some of the memories.

She pulled out another Christmas tree printed paper tissue from the box beside her and again loudly blew her nose, and after tidying her nose, scrunched it up again dropping it on the small mountain of snotty tearful tissues building by her thigh. She stopped and took a deep breath as she heard footsteps thumping down the hallway. The door flung open behind her, she winced and waited and took another deep breath over the two beats in anticipation for the next bitching session.

“I need you babes!” A breathless Nicole announced as she appeared in the door frame panting after power walking down the hallway.

“Yeah, whatever Nic, will be at your office to say goodbye once I have finished.” Jess replied as she folded her Rudolph jumper with the oversized red bauble nose attached by a thread swinging and she moved it, and then pushed it into the case.

“Babes, sorry but, I you know, need to speak to you a lot quicker than that.”

“Well can Butters look after it, I am busy here!” she sniped back, not even turning to face her as she studied a pair of red glittery knickers in her hands a smile almost crept in the corner of her lips thinking about them, whilst ignoring Nicole.

“I don’t think so Jess”

“Butters sorts everything for you, why not now?” Jess sniped as she shoved the underwear into the corner of case. She raised up and picked up another jumper from the drawer, nodded and then folded it putting it on top of the other loosely folded clothes.

Nicole paused as she took a long laboured deep breath “Jess babes, stop unpacking, I need your help to get me pregnant, err, like now.”

Jess blinked a couple of times as the words processed and churned in her foggy head then she coughed. “Pardon Nic?” She wiped the back of her hand across her snotty tearful nose and straightened her back up and pulled and stretched her waist band of her leggings out wide in front and peered forward and into the dark void, ran her other hand down and around her clit whilst shaking her head. “Nope, sorry Nic, I know I haven’t shaved down there for a week or two, but no, sorry babes, I haven’t grown a cock for that, is this what it’s all about at the moment, you want cock now rather than me?” She looked at the collection of phallic toys on the floor beside the bed and then back over shoulder as the elastic pinged back hard against her skin which wobbled slightly afterwards.

“Jess babes, don’t you start, I genuinely need your help, this is for us, for our future together.”

“Our fucking future? Wow, that’s quick, last night, and even this morning there wasn’t a future longer than ten minutes for us, now we going to have a child, Nic, remember this morning I was going home for good, as soon as you could arrange it, if you remember it was only like half an hour ago, what’s changed?”

“Cop on and catch-up Jess, Alabaster is now genuinely concerned that I will transmogrify into Santa when my dad dies. You found all those grey hairs on my head the other day? That scared the hell out of me, it may have started, I’ve got two clocks ticking now!”

“Yeah, you screamed at me for finding them, I was the worst human ever, you spent the whole night blaming me for them…and?”

“Well, they think I will become an old man, and it might be starting already, and you know what that means… in 30 odd years’ time, yes no more Santa?”

Jess’s bloodshot tear laden eyes widened as her still alcohol hungover muddled brain clunked around “What like a king, you don’t have an heir?” she shook and scratching her head as her. “What do you need my help for, if you are going to have man around the house?”

“Come and sit with me, on Santa Cam, I need some help and moral support?”

Jess chuckled “So I can sit there and find my cock-based replacement? You can then throw me out to find a large plaything to hang out around the house stroking all day to an erection?” she huffed. “Rather than enjoying my thighs and breasts?”

Nicole’s shoulders dropped, “No, you know illegal bahis babes, that I don’t love men like that, I never have, I…like, you know, I, err, I, err, do you… you know, your breasts” she tripped and stumbled over the words.

“What?”

“I need to find one man, any man, for…this… one problem and just that…no more.” she huffed out loud as she tugged into her white tights and pulled out a cigarette placing the filter between her lips.

“Can you adopt, or can the Santa magic work something out?” She stated loaded with sarcasm and waved her hand around like a wand.

“What like Jesus, apparently not… Alabaster has said it has to be a real genetic…thing.” She tilted her head slightly as she flicked the lighter and engulfed herself in a cloud of smoke from the cigarette, her mouth and then her nose.

“How are we going to find you man out here amongst the snowdrifts, reindeer and elves, we don’t have a Kristoff out there looking after your reindeer, do we?” She pulled another tissue out and blew her nose.

“No, we don’t, we have Ginger, and not being rude, neither of us are as skinny as that sexy, gorgeous entirely fictional Elsa either…anyway, I want us both need to look on Santa Cam, together, so you can agree on him…as he will be the dad of our child.”

She said emphasising the ‘our’, as she defiantly moved both hands down by her side opening herself up to Jess, the cigarette smoke was drifting across the room from the draft from the hallway.

“What?”

“I just need a donor male, with like real working sperm…haven’t got time for blanks or whatever they are called!”

Nicole slowly brought the filter to her lips and pulled on it slowly as she looked down at her toes tapped them a couple of times and nodded as the smoke drifted out of nose.

As Jess quizzically stared at the open chest of drawers, her clothes hanging out, trying to take in what was going on, whilst licking her lips just thinking of a night out at university finishing off with a cheese laden donner kebab.

Chapter 7

They had pushed the desk forward and wheeled in Jess’s office chair, so they were both behind it and could easily watch the large flat screen TV that dominated the room.

Jess yawned stretching her chunky almost bingo wing arms high, her neck clicked as she reached the highest point as she twisted body, her double chin squished large against her chest, before straightening out, “Nic, we’ve been flicking for hours, we stopped for lunch, and its nearly time for tea, you are very good at finding women on here, but how you are going to find the right man?” Jess asked manicuring her cigarette on the now overflowing ashtray.

“I don’t know, Alabaster said we just will, I found you, didn’t I?”

“I thought I found you?” Jess again quizzically looked at Nicole’s face.

Nicole shrugged her shoulders “Ah, yes…maybe…hmmm. I definitely found you afterwards again…” she grinned.

“Anyway, Nic, you need to narrow down the search, its great seeing all these men in the shower or getting dressed, looking at themselves in lift mirrors, but we’ve seen hundreds now, their hairy buttocks are all blurring into one!” Jess suggested looking on with more confusion.

“Yeah, but how do we do that?” Nicole mused out loud bringing her cigarette to her lips as the thought.

“Eh, like, beard, no beard, blue eyes? Colour of skin? Brown eyes, North, South America? Europe, good bad list, fat slim, what about if they are married? I don’t know, do they drink and smoke, the usuals, you play on here daily?”

Nicole nodded as she held the smoke in her lungs “True…” she exhaled “Oh, I know, what about your hometown you know your way around?”

Jess snorted her exhale “What about it?” she asked through the twisting cloud of smoke between them. “You know everyone intimately on here anyway?” she pointed her cigarette towards the screen.

Nicole shrugged her shoulders as she manicured her ash, “Yeah, I know, but there must be some decent men in that big city.” Nicole turned and smiled excitedly as she looked across to her before taking a final drag on the short butt of her cigarette.

“Yeah, for sure.” Jess guzzled more wine, licking her lips afterwards.

Nicole stubbed her cigarette out nodding “Right, then let’s look quickly look there. I need drink or two with dinner then carry on tonight,” she picked up the empty wine bottle “we need to get this sorted today!” Nicole had the urgency in her voice as smiled as she pulled yet another cigarette from the pack in front of her, put the filter between her lips, flicked the lighter, conducted a double pump inhale and then with the huge cone of smoke exhaled towards the open door, that had been opened by Butterscotch hours ago to try and let some fresh air in, she stared at the screen and pressed the green button the controls and it quickly zoomed in on Jess’s hometown.

***

They both lethargically leaned forwards almost groaning as they giggled as the fought their hands over space as they stubbed their cigarettes out together in the mountain squished butts on the empty dinner plates that had been stacked up in front of them, as the ashtray had been pushed back out of reach so that they could eat.

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