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Subject: Visiting My Brother at College 14 Ben and I, we work. Thank God. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I’m used to hookups in spare bedrooms or storage closets which are never acknowledged again. I’m used to Ryan, who would spend the night in my bed and the next day in the halls would give me a brief nod, if anything. So when I saw Ben at lunch the day after we started this, and he smiled so wide it looked like his eyes were closed, and he kissed me on the cheek when I sat down, it was… I don’t know. Nice, but that doesn’t seem like a big enough word for it. Erica literally squealed with joy when she saw it, and was excited we could double-date now. Geoff said, “’bout time” without a pause in chewing his sandwich. But aside from sitting a little closer together and holding hands, not much has changed at school. Funny enough, I think a lot of people assumed we were already dating, so no one has given it a second thought. Outside of school, though, everything has changed, and I’ve honestly never been happier. Well, not EVERYTHING… We still sit in his room, or in my basement playing video games or watching TV, hanging out. But now, when he’s sitting there with his shirt off, and I can smell him and feel his heat next to me, I’m allowed to lean in and nuzzle his shoulder, I’m allowed to wrap my arms around him, to rest my head in his lap. I want to touch him constantly, and now I get to. He lets me. And he touches me too. He reaches for my hand whenever it’s empty, he sits behind me and kisses my cheek or the back of my neck, he runs his fingers through my hair, petting my head when it’s in his lap. Even in my fantasies, when I would dream that Ben might want to experiment, might hook up with me, I never let myself imagine that Ben would want me as much as I want him. We’ve been taking it slow like Ben wanted. After that first day, he wouldn’t even let me jerk him off all week. I didn’t really mind that much, I was too happy, but with all of the touching and cuddling it was a little frustrating. We would make out for hours, curl up in bed, and fall asleep and wake up hard. Let’s just say my morning showers were a bit longer that week. But, we made a deal: he got to take me on a real date, and then I got to give him a blowjob. So that first Friday, five days after we started “dating,” he drove us into Seattle, to a little Italian restaurant where we had to wait an hour for a table because they don’t take reservations, and we had a candlelit dinner. And he was right, I think, to make us wait, to insist on romance. Flirting with him across the table in the dim room, watching the candlelight in his eyes, our connection felt more real than any sex I’ve had. Still, while my linguine with clams was delicious, dessert was even better. I could hardly wait to get home, the half-hour drive was excruciating, and as soon as the door to my bedroom was closed I had Ben pressed against it and my hands on his belt buckle. He insisted on dressing up, he wore a fucking suit, and it was really cute and he’s super hot in it, but I just wanted him naked. He helped me out, taking off his jacket and tie and unbuttoning his shirt while I took care of his pants and boxers. I told him to keep the shirt on, though, because seeing him standing there with the open white shirt framing his abs and hard cock, it sparked some sort of kink I didn’t even know I had before, like he had just come home from a hard day at the office and needed my help to unwind. I had him sit in my desk chair and then slowly stripped off my own clothes while he lazily stroked himself and watched me. I didn’t wear a suit, just a nice button-up and khakis, but I tried to make the striptease a little bit sensual, even though I was impatient to get to the action. I think from the look in his eyes I could have done anything, and as long as it ended with me naked, he would have loved it. I wanted to make it slow and sensuous so I started out sitting on his lap, his cock nestled between the cheeks of my ass, while we made out, then kissed and licked my way down his body. I really love his chest, his muscles are the kind you get from running and climbing and swimming, firm enough to be defined but soft to the touch and not bulky. His nipples are dime-sized and tan, but they turn red and hard when I suck on them. I also never really noticed before we started this, but he’s covered in hair, a light golden fuzz, almost invisible, all over, a little longer around his nipples and down the center of his chest, thickening through the creases of his abs down to his pubes. I took a full tour on my way down, and he leaned back and let me explore. I buried my face in his groin, licking at the crease between his thighs and balls, before lapping at his sack. It was hairy, but the hair was soft and silky, and the smell and taste of him were enough to make me moan, and suck one of his balls fully into my mouth. He has big, low-hanging balls, which seems so… masculine. And looking up into his bright eyes, while he reclined in his dress shirt and I nursed on his nuts, I couldn’t stop thinking of him as “my man.” I wanted to make my man feel good. I also knew it was his first blowjob, and I wanted it to be incredible for him. Most of my firsts weren’t special, they were rushed, or sloppy, or just with someone I didn’t care about. I wished I could have them back, and have them all with Ben. I could at least make every first special for him. So I tried to make it the best I could, licking my way up his shaft before peeling back his foreskin and taking his head in my mouth, sucking on it lightly. God, the sounds he makes turn me on like nothing else, and he was moaning and gibbering from the start, his fingers tangling in my hair and stroking my neck. His size is great, big enough to have fun with but not so big that it’s a struggle, şişli travesti and when I first took him down my throat and he gasped “oh fuck,” I nearly came. I wanted it to be special, and amazing, and to savor it… but, you know, it was his first blowjob. I had only been sucking him for maybe two minutes when he moaned my name and said he was going to cum, seconds before filling my mouth with his load. I’ve come to love his copious loads, the strong flavor and the thick texture, but they are a challenge to swallow, and that first time I couldn’t manage, and had to pull off, the last few shots splattering across his abs. I licked them up on my way to his lips, and sloppily kissed him, letting him taste himself on my tongue. He wanted to return the favor immediately, and I let him, standing in front of him while he bent down to wrap his lips around my cock. He was tentative and lacking in skill, but so fucking gentle, just sweetly licking and suckling, like he was making out with my dick, and he looked up into my eyes the entire time. Staring into those beautiful blue and teal orbs while he slowly bobbed on my first few inches, it only took a minute or so before I was muttering, “gonna cum, love,” and he smiled around me and kept sucking, groaning quietly while I filled his mouth. Since then we’ve both had a lot of practice, hardly a day goes by without us swapping head, and he can last longer and take me deeper. He’s built his confidence, and I was both surprised and turned on when one day he got aggressive, laying me down so my head hung off the end of his bed and fucking my throat. By now we’ve explored practically the whole world of oral sex, sixty-nining and rimming, morning blowjobs and even car head one day after school when I just couldn’t wait for him to drive us back to his place. We still haven’t fucked. Ben says he wants it to be special, and with my birthday coming up in a few weeks I suspect he’s saving it for then, and strangely I don’t mind. With Ben, I don’t feel like I need it. I mean, I want it. I want to feel him inside me, and I wouldn’t mind being inside him, but what we have feels like… enough. He’s the guy I’ve wanted since I started wanting guys, and now that I have him, I’m happy with whatever we do. Things are almost perfect. Almost. It’s Wednesday afternoon, the day before Thanksgiving, and Ben and I are on my bed. He’s sitting up against my headboard and I’m between his legs, leaning back against his chest, my head resting on his shoulder and his cheek pressed to the top of my head. This has become our default position, our favorite way to sit. We messed around a little earlier, and we’re both in just our boxers, but for now we’re just relaxing and talking about nothing. He has one arm wrapped around my chest and the other is holding my hand. Then the dog starts barking, and I hear the front door open, and Mom and Dad start talking all at once, and Reed laughs, and I tense up. “You okay, Dev?” Ben asks, lifting our joined hands to kiss mine. “Yeah, fine,” I shrug, trying to relax and turning my face into his neck. Ben sighs. “You still haven’t talked to him?” Outside my room Reed yells, “I’m just going to put my stuff away,” and I hear his footsteps walking in the hallway toward his room. He pauses outside my door, but just for a moment before he goes into his own room and shuts the door. I shake my head, my nose brushing Ben’s collarbone. “Not since… well, not in three weeks.” “It’ll be okay,” Ben whispers, rubbing my shoulder and squeezing me a little tighter. “He’s your brother.” “Yeah, but we… You know.” “I know,” Ben chuckles. “What if he still wants me?” I mumble. “What if I still want him..?” Ben just rubs my shoulder in silence for a long moment, and then says, “I trust you, Dev.” I snort and shake my head. “How? I mean with my track record and how fucked up I am…” “Hey,” Ben says gently, and nudges me to sit up and look him in the eyes. “You’re not fucked up. I love you, Devin. All of you. Completely.” And for a moment I can’t breathe, because this is the first time he’s said it. He knows how I feel about him, I told him I was in love with him before this even started, but he hasn’t said it until now, and so I haven’t said it in a few weeks. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, and if he didn’t feel the same yet, that was okay. We were together, so hopefully someday he’d get there. But God knows I’ve wanted to hear those words for at least six years. “Really?” I whisper. “You love me?” Ben blushes and grins, his crooked tooth showing. “Yeah, dumbass. Of course.” I laugh and pounce on him, crushing our mouths together, my knees on either side of his hips. “I love you too,” I laugh when I come up for air. Ben smiles back at me, running a hand through my hair, and says, “Yeah, I know.” I roll my eyes and climb off of him, sitting down next to him with my back to the headboard and our shoulders brushing. “Well, thanks for leaving me in suspense for three weeks,” I whine, and he blushes and ducks his head, mumbling something. I nudge him with my shoulder and ask, “Huh?” He pulls up his knees and rests his head on them, his face peeking out at me behind his arms. “I’ve always loved you. It was too soon. I didn’t know if you would stick around,” he murmurs. “But you’re…” He trails off and hides his face again. “I’m what?” I ask, rubbing his back. He groans as I stroke his spine and lifts his head, then sits up and twists his body to face me. “Okay, so, like with Reed… and the other guys, I don’t really get it, because…” He huffs. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted.” “Oh.” I say, eyes wide. “What does that mean?” He looks slightly off to the side as he says, “I mean, I’m not attracted to people often, usually only when I’m really into them. So like, there have been a few girls I liked beylikdüzü travesti like that, but for the most part, I’ve never wanted anyone but you. And I’ve wanted you forever, so I never really thought about anyone else.” “That’s so sweet,” I grin, and it’s his turn to roll his eyes. “Anyway,” he says, “You’re obviously different. You like sex just for sex, and that’s fine. I still love you. And I trust you, because I know now that you love me too. You’re not going to hurt me.” He swallows. “At least not on purpose.” “Never,” I swear, hauling him in for a hug. I wrap both of my arms around him and try to squeeze him as tight as I can. “Okay,” he wheezes out a laugh, “That’s kind of hurting me actually.” I laugh and loosen my grip, and he pulls away just enough to lean his forehead against mine. “I know you love Reed,” he whispers. I start to shake my head but he keeps going. “Shh, you do. It’s fine. He’s your brother, you’re always going to love him. And…” He sighs. “I know you still want him. I can live with that. Just… If you have sex with him again–” “I won’t,” I interrupt him. He pauses for a long time, and I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he just continues. “If you do, just don’t try to hide it from me, please. I love you, and I trust you, and if you need more than I can give you, I can deal with that, but I need to know we’re in this together, and that means honesty.” “Ben,” I say, “You’re all I need. I promise.” He holds my gaze for a few seconds and nods silently, then tilts his head to kiss me. My hands slip down his back and into his boxers, gently squeezing his ass as we start to make out. It doesn’t take long for either of us to bone up, even though we’ve each already cum once this afternoon, and when Ben starts to roll his hips, grinding our cocks together, I let out a moan. There’s a thump of something hitting the floor in the room next door, and Ben pulls back. “Uh,” he says, his mouth red and his eyes a bit unfocused, “Maybe we shouldn’t do this right now.” I throw my head back against the headboard and sigh, “Yeah. I’m gonna miss you tomorrow, though.” He leans in to peck me on the lips and smiles. “It’ll just be like a Sunday. We’ll manage.” We’ve spent nearly every day together since we started dating, but we agreed to spend Sundays apart. For the sake of our grades, we still need to do homework at some point, and when we try to do it together we distract each other so much that it takes twice as long, not even counting breaks to make out. I nod. “You’re coming for second Thanksgiving on Friday, right?” “Yep,” he says. “And staying the night.” “Good,” I mutter, pulling him in for another hug. “I really do love you. You’re perfect.” “So are you,” he says. And when I wrinkle up my nose at that he chuckles and kisses the tip of it. “To me, at least.” Then he’s pulling on his clothes, and I stand up and kiss him once he’s dressed. I walk him to the front door, and subject him to several more kisses before I let him leave, and watch him as he walks to his car, staying until it disappears down the block. I’ve loved him for so long, but it’s like he’s a part of me now. It never hurt this much to be apart before, I didn’t need to see him or feel him with me all the time. Now I miss him the moment he’s gone. With a sigh I shut the door and walk back toward my room, but when I get near it Reed’s door opens and he steps out. He just stands there looking at me, and I stare back, our eyes locked for several long seconds. There’s no smile on his face, but he doesn’t look sad or angry either, just flat. “Hey Dev,” he says softly. “Hey,” I say back. He takes a few steps toward me and lays his hand on my shoulder, and I tense up, but he just squeezes it gently. “It’s… good to see you,” he mutters, and swallows visibly. His mouth opens again for a second but then he closes it and nods, squeezing my shoulder one more time before walking around me and heading to the kitchen. I just stand there and rub my shoulder where he was touching it, while I hear him pouring a glass of water. When the water stops I shake myself out of whatever stupor he put me in, and rush into my room, closing the door behind me. I lean back against the door. Fuck, he looks good. Every time I’ve seen him since my visit, he’s had dark circles under his eyes, stubble on his cheeks, messed up hair… But now his skin is glowing, he looks rested, put together. So that means I was right, right? It was good for him that I ended things. It’s good for both of us. But it still kind of hurts to see him looking so handsome, and a small, petty part of me hopes that it hurts him to see me too. I remember his promise to make me feel him until Thanksgiving and for a moment I do, remembering the sensation of his cock buried inside of me, and I groan softly. He walks past my room and again he pauses outside my door. I imagine that I can actually feel him there, just a couple of feet away, and I hold my breath until he keeps moving into his own room and closes his door. I definitely still want him. If he came in here right now and kissed me, I think I would give in. But I meant what I said to Ben: I don’t need sex with Reed. As good as it was, it’s not worth the pain it caused both of us, and Ben is worth being faithful to. I’m afraid I did lie to Ben, though, without meaning to. Because Ben isn’t all I need. I need my brother. And I miss when he could touch me without me flinching or melting, before sex got in the way. I don’t regret what we did together, it was beautiful and intense, but I don’t want to lose what we had before that either. Mom and Dad understandably don’t want to cook tonight with so much cooking to do tomorrow, so I’m not surprised when they call me to dinner after an hour or so of fretting, sitting on the floor with my back to the door, and it’s istanbul travesti just Thai takeout. Reed sits across from me at the round kitchen table. I don’t know when that became established, it’s always been that way, but it feels awkward now. I can’t look up without seeing him, and he doesn’t avoid my gaze, meeting my eyes with his own unreadable stare. Not sad, not angry, still just so blank. I never noticed how cold blue eyes could look until he stopped smiling at me. Not that he doesn’t smile at all. He answers our parents’ questions cheerfully, he grins at Mom and laughs with Dad, and in those moments when his focus isn’t on me I find myself smiling too. He really does look good. He’s not happy with me, but he is okay, I think. I hope. “Oh, have you heard?” Mom asks. “Devin and Ben are dating now. It’s about time, honestly, and they’re just so cute together. Which is a good thing since they’re hardly ever apart anymore.” “That’s great,” Reed says flatly, looking at me across the table. “I’ve been seeing someone too. It’s early, but… it’s good.” And for a moment his lips twitch into a smile, and his eyes soften. I can’t deny that I briefly feel a spike of jealousy, and I flash back to when he sent me that video of him and Jessica. If he weren’t smiling so very softly, if there were any cruelty in his eyes, I might think he intended to make me jealous, but he seems sincere. And I’m glad, I think. I want him to be happy. “That’s, uh… That’s great,” I mumble, ducking my head to avoid looking him in the eyes. It is great. I just can’t quite pretend it doesn’t bother me yet. Mom doesn’t seem to notice any weirdness, though, exclaiming, “Oh my gosh, you have to invite her to meet us! Maybe at Christmas? Is she from the area or is she going home somewhere else? Either way, bring her by at some point.” Reed blushes and scratches his neck. “Mom, like I said, it’s early. I don’t know if it’s even serious.” “If she makes you happy, hold on to her. You’ve been so sulky this semester,” Mom says. Reed opens his mouth and shuts it once before shaking his head and saying, “Okay. Yeah… Sh–” He licks his lips. “I’m happy.” He glances at me and looks away, running his hand through his hair. The rest of the dinner passes with Mom trying to pry information from Reed about his new girlfriend, as she insists on calling this mystery girl, and Reed remaining tight-lipped but humoring her as much as he needs to. Dad occasionally tries to tell Mom to lay off, that Reed will share more when he’s ready, and she rolls her eyes and eats silently for a minute or two before going back to prying. No one seems to notice or care that I don’t say anything, or that I leave half my food untouched. Sometimes I’m quiet. Sometimes I don’t eat much. No big deal. But lying in bed that night, my mind is in turmoil, and I don’t know what to do about it. When did life get so complicated? I’m only seventeen, at least for another couple of weeks, but I miss the simplicity of childhood. When all it took to make everything right in my life was my big brother holding me. I barely remember even making the decision to get up before I’m knocking on Reed’s door, and he sleepily calls out, “Yeah?” “Hey,” I whisper, stepping into his room. He lifts his head from his pillow and blinks at me. “Dev?” “Sleepover?” I ask, timidly, stepping closer. “Dev, I’m seeing someone, and so are you… You’re the one who said…” He swallows. “We can’t.” “Not sex,” I say. “I just need my brother.” He sighs and rubs a hand over his face before nodding and lifting his sheets on one side. He’s naked, of course, and God he looks good. He’s more toned than last time I saw him like this, with a hint of a six pack showing below his strong pecs. But I force myself to only look at his face though as I slide in next to him. Our faces are only a few inches apart, I could kiss him so easily. He brushes my cheek with his knuckles. I take his hand and roll over, pulling his arm so that it wraps around my chest as I turn us into a spooning position. I kiss his hand once before letting it go. “I’ve missed you,” I sigh, and he squeezes me tight against his chest. I feel his cock semi-hard against my ass but I don’t press against it, and he doesn’t grind. He just holds me. “Me too,” he says into my hair. “I love you.” “I love you too,” I say. “Just like this.” He breathes out and nods. We have a long way to go still. I don’t know if we can get back to where we were before sex, but maybe we don’t need to, not exactly. My love for him is deeper than it was before, and I don’t think I really want to lose that. I want to be close to him. As close as I can be without losing sight of everything else. Maybe we’ll get there someday. Maybe someday we’ll even be able to be brothers and have sex without hurting each other or anyone else. For now, though, I’m in Reed’s arms, and if it doesn’t make everything right, it’s right enough. I murmur softly as I’m drifting off, “Like this most of all.” —— Well, holy shit, I didn’t mean to take so long getting this out. But here it is, the end of Devin’s story, at least for now. My apologies to those who have been waiting so long, especially those who may have worried about me. Life gets away from me sometimes, and this was a hard chapter to write just right even when I had the time. I hope everyone enjoyed the story, and thanks for sticking with it to the end. Let me know if you liked it, or if you didn’t, feedback is always appreciated. As I’ve mentioned before, I have two more stories planned, one connected to this one and following Toby and Reed’s POVs. Look for it in the College section. I haven’t quite decided on a title for it. Another, in the Incest category is unrelated and also currently untitled. However, I don’t want to publish any of either until I’m sure I’ll have the time and motivation to finish them. Even if it takes more than a year like this one did, I won’t start a story and then abandon it. So don’t necessarily expect either one soon. Lastly, as always, if you get any enjoyment from this site, please consider donating fty

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